The time has come for me to be independent. My sister will move to my parents house to live with them.
My parents are 83 years old. They live by themselves at the house where they get used to living. However, I see their recent decline both mentally and physically.
No longer able to do what they used to be able. Easy to get tired, often forget things.
Getting old looks going slowly and gently but sometimes it suddenly goes a few steps further. The drastic change of the society due to Covid-19 also directly and indirectly affects their life, I think.
In February this year, I went on an overnight trip with my parents. It only passed several months, but I don’ t think they have enough energy to travel anymore.
My parents live in Yokosuka, I live in Yokohama. When I started thinking about distance caring, suddenly my sister decided to move to my parents house to take care of them.
Sisters who have walked each different path
My sister and I haven’t had much in common since our childhood. We have walked each different path. Our parents are one of the few things we have in common.
Long-term care is same as child raising. How you face the elderly is important. You say, “do your best” or you say “take it easy”? That’s a big difference. In addition, it is necessary to plan what to do next, how much, and by who.
It would be best if us, sisters can cooperate each other. However, we have very different life style and thoughts. Who will plan and decide? Depending on that, what to do will be totally different.
On this occasion, we exchanged opinions each other. And we agreed that I would leave everything to my sister and would stay out of our parents’ care.
The parents’ long-term care has become a reality, we had a tough conversation between us.
Much gratitude and a little loneliness
However, I am only grateful for her decision as I don’t have an alternative to live with them. It allows for them to have more options for continuously living in their familiar house.
On the other hand, I feel a little loneliness that I haven’t experienced before. It is the house where I grew up, but it will be no longer my house.
It’s been decades since I became an adult and left Parents’ house to live on my own. I look independent, but I still rely on my parents a lot until now, as they are well.
I think the time finally has come to me to be really independent.
My old age is also becoming reality
I don’t have a family who cares for me.
Watching my parents, I become to think little by little my old age, with reality.
After the age of 75, the energy and physical strength will decline, and after 80, our area of activity will be within a radius of 5 kilometers around our house.
Therefore the closeness in distance is really important. Greetings with neighbors who pass, a short conversation at a familiar shop. Such loose connections will support me in my old age, I think.
And professionals whom I can rely on. Long-term care professionals, various services’ professionals, and administrative professionals. I will continue my life with support of them. It’d be better to prepare the life foundation before too late, before I become disabled to judge.
Accumulating memories of my parents
what I can do to my parents has also been changed. They no longer want to travel, eat out, or do shopping.
Having time to stay together. Supporting gently by their side. Not a big thing, but it’s a kind of difficult.
Once my sister moves to my parents house, I will not stay over night when I go there. When she is out of home, or when it is not bothering her, I will go and will return before evening.
However, I will do what I can do for my parents, even a little. Like this, the memories of my parents will be accumulated inside of me.
Those memories will definitely support my old age in near future.
